But He's My Idiot
by Maruaderette
Summary: It's Remus and Sirius anniversary, and Sirius wants it to be special. Short, Fluffy, and Funny. Rated just to be safe.


A/N: Written for snuffle poo's 'A fluffy challenge'. This is written in the MWPP era. It it also slash. Don't like, don't read.

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling and various publishers. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

"Moony. Moooony. Moooooooony." Seventeen year old Sirius Black whispered as he prodded his boyfriend gently in the forehead. Seeing that this process was not working he began to jab poor Remus harder and more rapidly. "Moonykins wake up. Moonykins wake up. Moonykins wake up."

Sirius was becoming annoyed; he thought that his beloved Moonykins was ignoring him. He was not a logical person, because if he was he would realized that 'his beloved Moonykins' was not ignoring him but doing what normal people do at 5:02 in the morning; sleep. I hope by now you realize that Sirius was no more normal then he was logical. Now while his pointer finger was in midair an owl zoomed past the dormitory window. Sirius and his thirty-second attention span followed the owl with anxious grey eyes and while he followed the bird with his eyes his finger roughly jabbed Remus in the right eye.

Remus felt instant pain and screeched in a girlish manner (This would be denied later) in the process waking everyone that hadn't been awake. There was a jumble of loud confused voices all at once. It sounded a bit like this:

"Moonykins your up!" Sirius Black.

"Why the ruddy hell did you stab me in the eye!" Remus Lupin.

"Whaz goin' on? Did Wormtail wet the sheets again?" James Potter

"That was one time in third year! And you put my hand in warm water, Prongs!" Peter Pettigrew.

"Remus did you just squeal like a first year girl?" Frank Longbottom

Of course Remus denied immediately that he was even capable of squealing, especially like a first year girl. Frank nodded, humoring his fellow Gryffindor, then returned to dreaming of his girlfriend, Alice. James and Peter went into a heated argument whether or not James had indeed put Peter's hand in warm water, which he did, so no one noticed as our favorite werewolf slipped out the door holding his blanket and wand. Sirius who had been only a few paces behind his beloved Moony-Love-Bum into the common room.

The werewolf had settled himself into the closest to the fireplace, probably in the hope of getting a few more hours of sleep. "Moony Love Bum there you are! Padfoot the Adorable Grim wanted to speak to you. So Padfoot the Adorable Grim awoke Moony Love Bum. Why did you run away from Padfoot the Adorable Grim when you can not resist his charms?" Sirius asked in third person as he sat down next to Remus.

Mentally Remus groaned. It was bad enough when Sirius used pet names, but when he used them in third person it meant he either wanted to: 1.Annoy Remus to no end. Or 2.Shag like bunnies in the Room of Requirement. And this early in the morning Remus wasn't prepared for either. "What did you want to talk about Sirius?"

Sirius grinned insanely, a feat he could pull off to perfection, and began to (Lord help us) sing. "Moonykins I love you. It is oh so true, they saw I'm a playboy but my heart is only for you. One time I almost killed Snape and you got super pissed. During those three months of isolation, you were truly missed. But now were back together, so snog me silly or snog me Sirius." Finishing his err, we'll call it a song, he gave Remus and sloppy kiss on the cheek.

Remus stared at his boyfriend for a minute then awkwardly said "Thank you for the song it was….unique. But why?"

"It's our 2857th hour anniversary but it is more commonly known as the 'Amazing Kinky Waterbed Sex' anniversary. I sang to you to persuade you into amazing kinky waterbed sex in the Room of Requirement." The animagi said this as if it was extremely obvious.

Remus was torn between being turned on and flabbergasted "I would love to have amazing kinky waterbed sex in the Room of Requirement with you, but we can't today."

"Why not, Moony?" Sirius pouted crossing his arms over his chest.

"We have lessons in a few hours. But," Remus crawled closer to Sirius, dropping his voice to a seductive whisper "We could always relive our three week anniversary activities."

"You mean snog on the sofa 'til someone interrupts us?" Sirius replied remembering the look Professor McGonagall's face.

"In a way." Remus purred "But this time such an insignificant interruption won't stop us. Will it?"

"No and it never will again." Sirius said before he jumped on everyone's favorite

werewolf and kissing him with passion. They stayed that way until the breakfast bell

rang, only pausing shortly for the occasional air break. They had not heard twenty-seven Gryffindors scream, screech, or squeal. But I assure you this if they had the would not have cared.

As they walked down to the Great Hall, finger entwined and hair mushed James walked up to them "Do you have any plans tonight? I was thinking about pranking the oh-so-unlovely Snivellus."

"What did he do to you this time?" Sirius asked.

"Well, nothing other then exists. But that's good enough reason for me. So you in?" James replied.

Remus smiled sweetly then answered, "Normally yes. But today happens to be our 2857th hour anniversary and Sirius has the most marvelous on how to enjoy it."

James looked curiously at his two friends. "I've never heard of that one."

Sirius grinned his perfected insane grin "It's more commonly know as the 'Amazing Kinky Waterbed Sex' anniversary."

James' hazel eyes widened behind his glasses and he motioned for his two friends to turn around. They did and gasped at what they saw. Dumbledore in all his longed bearded glory was looking at them eyes twinkling more then ever. "Well I do hope you boys enjoy your anniversary together. But, remember to use a condom ever time." The Headmaster said this then cheerily walked into the great hall, leaving the three Grffyndors to perform a group twitch.

_Fin_


End file.
